In honour of world mental health day, I want to open up about my experience of depression. I want to share to be vulnerable, to show that we all go through difficult stages in our life and to promote that its ok to open up and not be ok.
For a long time, I tried to pretend that everything was ok. To stay strong and push through it. I didn’t consciously realise that I was literally running away from the fact I was struggling. I tried ignoring it. Filling my days with work, running, work, running, constant distractions.
Looking back, I now see the value in my full journey of depression and anxiety. The fear and shame I felt, the hopelessness and feelings of worthlessness. Using different things to avoid really dealing with the uncomfortable pain of feeling so low.
Now looking back I feel thankful for the experience. However, in the midst of it, when I hit rock bottom all I wished for every moment of everyday was for the pain to go away, for the black rain cloud above my head to disappear and for my life to feel normal again.
I feel like depression steals human potential. It can steal our personality, steal our hope and steal our ambitions for the future. It’s an illness that many people find hard to understand.
We can all experience it differently. It can stay for a long time, or like the weather it can change depending on the circumstances. Certain life events can trigger mental illness and we can even develop it out the blue after years of avoidance and suppression. It truly is diverse and caused by a range of factors. This uniqueness, spills over to the treatments. Not all treatments have the same effect. Not all things work for everyone.
For example, I know from studying, seeing research and hearing individuals share stories that exercise has huge positive benefits to those suffering with depression. However, when I was at my lowest, I couldn’t even get out of bed never mind exercise.
Opening up and talking about it saved me. In combination with Orkney, giving myself mind space, reading, being in nature, wild camping, walking every day, journaling, being honest with myself and having the belief that I could regain myself and change. Having true faith. Having patience and putting in the work.
I have mentioned before that I have started to think about life as seasons. We have spring where life blossoms and grows. Like, summer we have high, bright moments. Autumn, just like tree loose leaves, we have moments where our life feels like it's falling apart. Then winter comes where we want to go into hibernation. We experience these seasons all in one day.
Building ways to cope with the changes in seasons is important for us. To share when things get tough and to really truly support one another when things are really good. To really enjoy when others are happy and build people up. AND really support people when life gets them down.
We as a society can overcome mental health problems. They will never fully go away. However, we can stop them stealing our potential. We can ensure we bounce back and get stronger from the experience. If we listen and support each other, I believe we can.
Social media highlight reel makes us all appear to have the happiest lives. Although some people try and post real posts, highlight struggles and use it as a tool for change. Most of social media is used to highlight the best bits and gain likes.
This does not take away from the amazing positive changes it has had. But it does create an unrealistic picture of our daily lives. I guess I want to share a bit more about my experience, because I know when I hit my lowest, I felt reassured and hopeful reading about other people overcoming the terrible cloud of depression.
By opening up about our struggles we can begin to realise we are way more similar than we are different.
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