I had this thought as I walked through Buchanan street on the way to Ardrossan/Arran on Saturday. I was watching all the street performances as well as people setting up, preparing to perform. It was sunny and there was squillions of people walking by, there was something about it that felt more than performance jitters and the feeling somehow reminded my of the cringe culture we have…
We can experience layers of fear, shyness, doubt, imposter syndrome etc with many things we do. However, there is something about Scottish culture, I feel from my very biased experience, that leans more heavily into judgement when people are trying to pursue a dream or idea. Don’t get me wrong, we absolutely back “our own”; people who succeed. But there is quite often something missing in supporting people who are just getting started or trying their best and not quite there yet. Maybe Buchanan street is not a good representation of this idea, but I've seen and heard thee “that’s a beam” attitude and perspective my whole life: all the way through school and into my adult life.
Through there are many many many barriers to success as a creative~ the financial barrier often being the most significant. Surely the worry that you will be perceived as cringe shouldn’t be as prominent as it is?
My experience of creating (writing, podcasting, wee business, small social media projects) has been layered with my own self-doubt and low self-belief. When I’m in creative flow that tends to dissipate. It’s often as I approach creativity, for example, before I write, I can get in my own way by thinking I don’t have time or I don’t have to share. If I can get past the self belief barrier I’m usually ok. However, I can't deny that starting a podcast was layered with fear of being a beam. It’s something I’ve had to work to push through with many of my creative ideas. It’s not there all the time but it definitely has been weaved in to me from school.
I’ve heard other people describe this feelings, unfortunately, from my experience this has often been woman, but I’m sure it exists across the gender spectrum.
Having the courage to create things is really tough. What if worrying about being a beam didn’t add to that toughness? Have you been impacted by this?