lots of freckles and cheesy smiles.
my aunty sent me the second picture last week and I’ve been reflecting sooo much on how photographs make us feel...
Photographs can really help us connect with memories and remind us how we felt at different stages of our lives. It can connect us with experiences we have suppressed or forgotten and bring waves feelings and emotions, both positive or negative, depending on your memory of that time.
Reflecting through photographs, with my imaginative, dyslexic brain really helps me connect emotions and feelings with previous experiences. It can make us reflect on how far we have come, how relationships in our lives have changed, how people we know lives have changed, what we have learned, let go of etc.
I think it allows us to tune into how we feel and tap into compassion and empathy for ourselves and other people that have come in and out or lives.
Related story:
When I experienced depression for the first time, photographs played a strange but important role in healing. Some days, photos would bring me more pain; I would feel like I would never be able to connect with the person I used to be and the joy I used to experienced. Other days I would able to recognise how far I’d come and how many wonderful experiences I had.
Writing this has just reminded me of what I shared with Vilius about authenticity today. I shared with him that I was reading on a counselling student forum that the hardest but more important part of a counselling client relationship is the counsellor feeling at ease with being their the congruent (authentic) self with the client. In other words, the counsellor has to reach a stage where they let go of judgement for themselves and show up in the client counselling relationship as their true self. I shared with Vilius that I felt in wave of true gratitude reading that because I now feel like I’m in a place where I show up as myself in most situations in my life. I can’t actually think of a time now where I feel like I mask who I am. However, connecting this to my previous experiences of depression, before I moved to Orkney and truly leaned into healing, I was unconsciously wearing a mask to share with the world that “I’m coping, I can take on everything and I’m complete fine”- highly recommend the book I’m fine and other lies to explore this further…
I would wear this stoic mask within my professional and personal life. I was myself but I was also hiding my shadow self. I was hiding my struggles and my pain. I was trying to hold this idea that I could take on the world and cope with everything that comes with that. I could continue studying, working, running, supporting young people- burning 18 thousand candles at both ends and “cope”.
I viewed coping as strength and breaking down and being vulnerable as a weakness, for myself- and the most profound thing is that I would never hold these expectations for anyone else in my life.
I would hold space for vulnerability for most people I connected with but I couldn’t truly share my own pain and vulnerability. I would hold on to it; hold on to the emotions and use running/exercise as my only outlet to let go of all the pain/angst/emotional build up- so linking to the depression- the depression came when I sustained a significant injury and was forced to sit with all of this pain…..back to the point, I feel truly grateful that I am able to show up as my congruent self in a counselling setting but also all other parts of my life. I still have so much to learn as a counsellor, however being congruent is something I feel I can truly lean into.
Back to photographs, I really believe they can play a significant role in healing, even though they bring up waves pain, they can allow us to gain perspective, and develop compassion and empathy for ourselves and the people in our lives.
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