I believe we’re absorbers of love. It exists within us and around us…
A wee blether about love, emotional regulation and reflections of love on the journey to becoming a therapist.
A quote we hear so often “You can't really love someone else unless you love yourself first”. I’ve learned that this isn’t fully true. We absorb love and learn how to love from being in relationship... I think we absolutely can form a relationship of love and compassion with ourselves. However, we are not at fault and/or love people around us less because we sometimes struggle to have love and compassion for ourselves…
Similar to self-love, self belief is in an inside and outside job. Nurturing self-belief is layered based on many historical and current day experiences in our lives.
Developing and leaning into self compassion and self belief are threads that run through my whole journey of becoming a therapist. There has been a core group of people in my life who have mirrored and shared love, compassion, understanding and wisdom with me. They have been integral to this process, pillars of support.
One of my biggest challenges and during the process was fully letting in love and support. I had internalised the quote I mentioned earlier, without recognising that I didn’t need to do it alone. I don’t think I would be half the therapist I am with out the lighthouses (people) I’ve had supporting me through what has been at times dark, choppy, challenging waters.
So, where am I at now with my thoughts around developing self-love/compassion and belief? I think it happens within us and around us. Similar to emotional regulation, at times self-regulating; processing our exemptions alone, might be really helpful and exactly what we need in the moment, other times co-regulating; processing our emotions with the presence and love from someone can be exactly what we need.
In sum, we need both internal and external experiences of love. Both are important and can exist at the same time. We don’t need to get to a place of self actualisation with our self love before we can share and receive love.
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